Security Alert

October 23rd, 2013

home securityThe English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”.  Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”.  The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.  Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance”.  The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from “P’d Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards”. They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”.  Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “I sure hope Australia will come and rescue us”.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, mate”.  Two more escalation levels remain - “Crikey!, I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is cancelled”.  So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

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