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Yeah but yeah but… what if people need someone to care?
When you read this for the first time, initial reaction is to say “but that person needs me”. How much of that need is mutual tho – how much to you retain thru habit or fear because it is HARD to step out of the dance.You can disengage with love tho, if the relationship feels too much, too toxic, too taxing then you can re-define your boundaries and step back.My only issue with the quote above is to say, you don’t have to walk away and abandon that person.Be courageous and step back, empower that person to resolve their own issues. Sarah
With the help of a counselor I just did this with an adult child ( very very difficult because I wanted to blame myself even though I knew I was a good mom…also wanted to accept excuses and excuse hurtful behavior) I could not emotionally abandon my adult child…I detached but left the door open for change..such as I love you but can not be in relationship until we can develop a mutually caring relationship. I can never stop loving you…but I can not allow you to continue to hurt me ( emotionally)…I sm hopeful of a better relationship..until then …The very difficult part is leaving it there…accepting that mane nothing will change…ever…and keeping my boundary ..with love…do counter to doing somersaults toin the hopes of change…nothing changed….I had to change for my own mental health and detaching was how I got better….very empowering ..accepting the pain of what is…while hoping for change…while doing NOTHING to ‘fix ‘ anything…hard to imagine but it creates inner peace and stops the obssesive donersaulting…
Love this quote I remain to detach with love. You can’t change someone only change yourself. Another way of thinking is I can’t BE WITh their ? So I detach and take care of myself.
Interesting comments, tara brach names a sacred pause! That pause gives space to react, heal, think appropriatly to respond with skill. Putting on own oxygen mask first is important to enable you to be there for the other
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