“Doctor,” the embarrassed woman said, “I have a problem. My husband doesn’t excite me anymore. I’m worried there is something wrong with me.” “Mrs. Thomas, bring him back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.”

The next day the worried man trailed behind his wife to the doctor’s office. “Take off your clothes, Mr. Thomas,” the medic said. “Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on.”

The doctor took the wife aside. “You’re in perfect health,” he said. “Your husband doesn’t excite me either.”

Are you looking for more excitement in your love life? Are you maybe looking for a more exciting way to think about your sexuality in general? Try thinking about sexuality in the broadest possible context. Sex is not just a good and enjoyable activity. Its part of your experience of God, or Spirit, or Universal Love or whatever words you use to describe the mysterious beauty that sources your life and passions. Sex with a loving partner is beautiful; both sex that is soft and soulful, and sex that is hot and steamy. Your body, all of it, is a doorway to sensual spirituality. Your relationships are gateways into that which is greater than all and yet still deeply present in each.

Are you ready to claim the full significance of your sexuality? Are you ready, in the words of Marianne Williamson, to “make love an art, and make love like artists”?

Your sensuality connects you with all species and with the evolution of life itself; fireflies pulse, houseflies flap, moths musk, fish dance, frogs croon, birds plume, mammals strut and preen. People aren’t much different. We whisper sweet, sensual nothings, raise inviting eyebrows, smile suggestive smiles, bat mysterious eyelids, and flirt with playful flair. Flirting is an evolutionary instinct. It’s one of the ways you hint at the possibility of new life. In other words, sexuality is a reminder that you are part of everything and its all pointing beyond itself to the miracle of evolving life.

The world needs more sex. We all need more sex. But not just any sex. Not all sexuality is healthy. We don’t need more commercial, egoic sex. Commercial sexuality that says you must be firmer, longer, larger, longer lasting, and more body perfect, might sell products but it doesn’t lead to a more fulfilling sex life. The media’s surreal parade of perfect bodies and skin-deep liaisons often encourages sexuality that is guilt ridden and competitive. We don’t need competition. We need sexuality that embodies the deepest human longing for connection; with self, with other and with all that is.

When sex is about ego, there is no bliss. Let’s face it. For most of us, there is an element of ego that creeps into sex- the need to perform, the craving to be affirmed, and the fantasies about being a hot Latin lover. When ego takes over, sex can very easily become a cause for self-limiting thoughts and scarcity. Turn the media’s version of sexuality around. Sex is not the search for something that is missing. Sex is the expression of something that has already been found! It’s not so much that you’ve fallen in love. It’s more that love has found you, taken you by the scruff of the heart and left you giddy with the miracle of being alive. Taking ego out of sex is not about taking yourself out of sex. If you truly see yourself with acceptance and truly understand your connection to your lover, you will fall in love and never stop falling.

Rid yourself of the shadow side of sexuality; repressed, needy, detached or abusive sexuality that can lead to so much suffering. Rid your mind of any negative thoughts about your body, and sexuality.

The Baal Shem Tov, a great Jewish master, once said, “When you get these bad thoughts, what’s bad about them is the garments that they’re in. If you take off the bad garments, you see the holy sparks behind them. And these are the ones that glitter in God’s crown.”

Try it out this Valentine’s Day or any other time. In sexual encounters, before taking off your clothes, try stripping away the garments of negative thoughts; unrealistic expectations and guilt, self-limiting beliefs and competitive thoughts. Seek sexuality that is more than skin deep, whether alone or with your partner. Embrace your body beyond the surface. Hold each other in divine embrace and all separation will melt away. Your sexuality connects you with lovers in all times and places. Your sexuality connects you with the source of love itself.

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  1. MLS says:

    Great article about the spiritual side of lovemaking!  I haven’t met a man in my almost 52 years that feels the same way though but  I am hopeful.
    Thank you for your excellent written expression on this topic and so many others.