Our kids have pretty much grown out of singing the road trip blues-“Are we there yet? When are we going to get there? I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. I’m bored. I need to go to the bathroom.” Masters of catastrophe, kids are! One of the kids will say, “I’m starving.” I will reply, “Kids in Africa who haven’t eaten in days are starving. You on the other hand, had a sandwich fifteen minutes ago. You are not starving.” Or else, a kid will say, “I’m dying of thirst.” And I reply, “That is highly unlikely but don’t tempt me.” One of our kids, who shall remain nameless, hit the jackpot with the most woeful statement and had us all laughing. After several rounds of complaints, this one said, “I’m dying to death back here.” Dying to death! That could be the mantra for catastrophizing.

We’ve tried banning the expression “I’m starving.” A little mindfulness about the power of language can’t go astray. Of course it’s not just kids who excel at catastrophizing. I found a small lump on my body recently and within minutes I had imagined myself in months of chemo and radiation. I pictured myself bald. Then I day dreamed my death bed scene telling the kids how much I love them and kissing Meg for the last time, wondering if she will remarry. All of this anxiety was created over what turned out to be a boil. It seems it is easier to lance a boil than it is to dissect the workings of the human ego.

Catastrophizing does not serve you well. At best, it leaves you depressed and anxious. At worst it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If the worst never arrives, you worried for nothing. If it does happen, you endure it twice. Catastrophizing tells the stories that pessimism wants to hear to justify its perspective. Catastrophizing is sitting in traffic and imagining that the meeting you are missing is the beginning of the end of your career. Catastrophizing is looking at your child’s report card and imagining that he will never get a college degree. Catastrophizing creates stories with very little basis in reality, feeds the stories with evidence from unrelated situations, spirals in negativity and eventually becomes irrational and closed to all reasonable conversation.

We’re pretty good at it as a society as well. Every time I hear people talking about America sliding down the slippery slope to socialism, my mind goes back to the kids in the back seat telling me that “they’re starving.”

When I read that that 29% of Americans (and 44% of Republicans) believe that an armed revolution might be necessary against the government in the next few years to protect freedom, I can only think of my kids in the back seat “dying to death”.

What reality are these people living?

Their catastrophizing is just as irrational (and immature) as my kids on long car trips.

That’s often the way with catastrophizing. We imagine the worst, then look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.

No one even remembers the hyped up drama about “death panels” a few years back. Some people seemed to think that President Obama would personally be visiting nursing homes with a pillow tucked under his arm. When public conversations become irrational like this, not much is achieved. What WAS all the fuss about?

The passage of the Civil Rights Bill in the 1960s was much the same. Many people became convinced that whites would be enslaved in this new world order. Now, 40 years later, we take the Civil Rights Bill for granted and very few people are worried about a black takeover of the country.  As the predicted dates for catastrophe come and go, and as all the anticipated anxiety fails to materialize, we look back and smile at our over active imaginations.

Catastrophizing is often built around pre existing conditions like fear of change and basic paranoia.

The antidote to catastrophizing is not heightened security, and acting out fear, but mastering the mind. Three specific mind mastery techniques are:

1. See alternatives.  Your imagination is powerful. So use it to conjure up multiple scenarios rather than fixating on the one worst one. Any of them is possible. Even your most positive predictions may fall short of reality.

2. Stay open. Be patient and allow situations to unfold without overreacting. Don’t be too quick to form conclusions about good and bad. Bad can very quickly seem better once worse happens. Good can easily be forgotten once better happens. There is always more to come. Sometimes good things change so that better things can emerge. Stay open because everything that happens makes you wiser and stronger.

3. Be still. In other words, stop swirling in fantasy about unknowns and dwell in this moment where everything is exactly as it is and couldn’t possible be any other way.

For the most part, life is a mind game and it’s a game you can win.Your mind functions like a committee. The committee is constantly bombarding you with different voices and opinions. One of the members of the committee is catastrophe, the pessimist who wants to remind you to expect the worst. Maybe the voice of catastrophe is simply echoing the voices of people who haunt your life with their negativity;a neighbor, the media, talk radio. They all have their perspective, and they all bring something worthwhile to the table. But none of them holds all the truth. Some of them barely have a half a truth.

There is a still small voice that stands firm in the midst of all the other voices. This is the voice of your true essence, your highest self that transcends and includes all other perspectives and roles. It’s a small voice, not because it lacks power. On the contrary, this is your most powerful voice. It’s small because it has no need to raise its voice in anger, or shout irrational obscenities in meetings. It’s small because it waits to hear the answers to its questions and keeps an open mind. It has no predetermined ideas as to how the future will play out; preferring to urge you to be all you can be in each moment, a work in progress.

It’s a still voice, not because it lacks conviction. On the contrary, this is your most powerful voice. It’s still because it doesn’t fight reality.  It’s small because it has nothing to prove and compels you forward with gentle persuasion. It states its case calmly and respectfully, and genuinely looks for win/win solutions.

The intent of spiritual practices such as meditation, yoga, contemplation and so many other practices is awareness so that you know which committee member is ruling your life at a given moment. With this awareness, you can choose to appoint the still small voice as the chair of your mind’s committee. As chair, it can affirm and embrace each voice for what it is, but not be ruled by any one voice. Spiritual practice helps you to tune into the still small voice and live your life with contentment and skilful means.

In this moment, stand firm and be still, all is well and all will be well no matter what the circumstance.

Subscribe to Grapevine Back to Grapevine page

  1. joan cook says:

    Your discussion of the “still, small voice” is perfect; at least for me it is.  Chuck and I were just laughing a moment ago about how my imagination can take a simple event and create a story about it in flaming technicolor. It takes me no time at all.  
    My favorite part your essay is your respect for that little voice…  I plan to print and carry this one with me. 
    Luv ya. 

  2. Margaret says:

    Your understanding of the words of Moses has brought a new perspective for me into the universal message of all great prophets- mindfulness, patience and awareness that there s always a bigger picture and more to come. Namaste

  3. Jean says:

    This is very good advice indeed, and  I had to smile as I read it. It’s true that we create much of our own anxiety and tension. I like your suggestion of looking at alternatives, or just being still. It’s like travel. Sometimes everything about the trip goes in an unexpected direction, but you have a great time anyway! The journey really  is more important than the destination!

  4. Natalie says:

    You`re right,of course,me must  articulate in positive context.always)))

  5. Wonderful advice for most of us and beautifully written.
    Thanks!

  6. Stand firm. Be still. I love this!

  7. Linda Hack says:

    I loved this post. It’s something I bet many of us need to hear. In those moments where we tend to focus on a potentially catastrophic event, we can often see some very different possibilities by completely clearing our minds and opening them to other channels.

  8. Traye Fuqua says:

    My father called it “borrrowing trouble” – taking possesion of troubles that are not yet yours – another type of debt to avoid.

  9. ian says:

    thank you Traye- I LOVE your father’s saying. Can I borrow that and share it?

  10. Traye Fuqua says:

    absolutely use it and share it - consider it ”open source wisdom” – I may patent that one:-)

  11. Francine says:

    I watched a show last night about how electricity came to be.  People were scared. It was something new.  One out of 2 men working on the lines were killed.  The phone was to be the end of families.  People have so much fear.  Now it’s the Muslims.  Before it was the Mormons.  The still small voice has done me well through the years.

  12. ian says:

    Great examples and great point Francine. Thank you

  13. I love your blog, you should add an RSS feed feature so I can get automatic notifications of new blogs. If you set one up please email me! i will bookmark you for now. Again Excellent Blog!

  14. I’d also second the adding of an RSS feature.  I love your blog and would like to keep up with it.

  15. ian says:

    thanks for your comment- we do have RSS feeds on Soulseeds. The feed for my blog is http://www.soulseeds.com/category/grapevine/feed/

  16. Oh boy!  I can be the Queen of Catastrophizing!  Thanks for the good thoughts and sweet reminders of truth.  If God is for us, who can be against us?

  17. exo says:

    tnx 4 sharing!

  18. Thank you for this beautiful post. Oh, what a wonderful reminder to listen to the small, still, powerful & wise voice within. Thank you.

    ~@MichelleSedas

  19. Cindi says:

    I call these voices EGO.  Ego is a very tricky thing, so the trick is to put it aside, live in the moment and be still.  The true voice will then be heard.

  20. I do this ALL THE TIME and am so glad you put it into words. “catastrophizing” NEVER gonna forget that word. I may remember nothing else from this article except for that word and it will help me out of my head when I start to do this to myself. Seriously. I do it way to much and cause myself nothing but pain. ENOUGH already! Drama isn’t really a good word for it though. Drama is based in truth, this is just paranoia. Thank God for this word!! LOVE IT!

  21. Virginia Urbach says:

    Your word “catastropizing” is something I won’t forget also. I was guilty of this when I was much younger but as I have gotten older and experienced much in my life, I’ve learned that being “still” in the moment is so much more effective in order to bring balance. Meditation, letting go of negative feelings brings peace and tranquility much of the time (not always). Whenever I feel out of sorts, believe it or not I resort to social media to regain composure. For me, it is the best therapy. At least for the present. So, I thank you for your blogs and wish only good things for you and yours.

  22. jenny says:

    Thankful that you don’t have a tumor Ian!  My father did have to say goodbye to his family in the way that you described.  He told me, “my demise is coming.”  But you know what?  If he was afraid, he would not admit that to me.  I  feel our relationship lives on.  I still connect with him often.  It’s actually a much easier relationship now because I know he’s in a place of pure love and peace.  My still small voice tells me that.  It is the one with the most credibility and the one I believe.  

  23. Gillian says:

    Thank you for this sane article.  I very much appreciate the reminder.   I have been following a spiritual practice for years and still can get caught up in and enjoy listening to, rants about the new world order. 

  24. You are right  - the imagination is SO powerful!  And we so often use it create scenarios of worry rather than scenes and expectations of good things.  I wonder why that is?   Great article!

  25. Andrea W says:

    Very much enjoy your take on things – sorry this one had such a political bent. “Death Panels” you discard as hyperbole – I read that THE most effective drug for treating breast cancer is not approved in Great Britain or Canada’s health care plans because it’s too expensive. Death Panel = government making decision based on cost.

Post a Comment: