I couldn’t tell you where I am half the time, but I can tell you I’m not all there. Nor here. But I am somewhere, in a land far far away.
Yes I’m caught in the land of mindless chatter. “Did I make that phone call to what’s-her-name about tonight’s meeting? What will I cook for dinner? I’m so tired. I think I should get my roots dyed, the gray is creeping up. Why is it that I can have a pimple AND wrinkles? Wasn’t it just yesterday I was 16? -Oh to be 16 again…….”
And on and on it goes. And on and I go, lost in a mental maze, with trap doors and climbing walls. I navigate the lot, getting lost, going deeper and deeper into my crowded crazy mind. I travel further and further from this present moment. Further and further away from this here, this now. Ah, but just when I think I may be unreachable and lost forever, there is always that little voice tugging me back “Mumma…. DID YOU HEAR ME?”
“What, what?” I say as I struggle to regain my footing in the conversation I’ve just missed. Nobody must know the places I’ve been, quickly I try to cover up my disorientation and mutter an unconvincing “Sure”, hoping this is the right response!
Please tell me I’m not the only parent to go wandering off while playing checkers, listening to a story about who said what, or when pretending to be a dog.
I don’t know why I let myself miss pieces of my life, pieces of my children’s life with these hazy day trips in my head. Perhaps some of it is to escape, (we all know some shoots and ladders games do go on for an awfully long time!) and other times I have simply have no idea I’ve even disappeared at all! (until on occasion I notice it’s dark outside and everyone’s gone to bed)
But I do know that I wont get this moment back, nor this one, nor this one…….And before I know it, none of my children will even want to be seen with me!
So it’s enough of the day trips, time to unpack my bags and stay awhile.
Copyright (C) 2010 By Meg Lawton. All Rights Reserved.