Music Man.

July 3rd, 2012

My study is upstairs. Across from his room.

His too busy with life room. Flung with rushing to the next thing room. The barely home room. Clothes too busy to pick up. A notice board with thick wads of paper, pay stubs and college forms.

And then there is his music. His eclectic collection from who knows where music. His ragtime, Irish, opera, and makes-it-hard-for-me-to-think-music. Reflecting his creative, original and completely himself personality. I know him just that little more because of the beat coming from his room. I get an extra piece of him when he hits play.

He bustles in between jobs, and on goes the music. He gets up in the morning and hits play. He showers, and there it is again, louder. His presence fills the house and we all know he breathes another day, because of his music.

2 months left. 1460.9688 hours of mess, noise, and big shoes in the way.  Of trying to keep up with his crammed schedule, with the endless forms and sharing of the car. And, just hours left to hear his music. Only moments left to hear his soul hum. And then he leaves. As he should.

It will be clean up here. No more bedclothes tangled in an angry mess after fighting to wake for the early shift. Books from the childhood shelf handed down to brother, the broken old wobbly lamp will finally find its resting place. Clean. And quiet.

It will all get packed up in a box with other important things; a new laptop, new clothes new speakers. His music will go to college with him, he’ll hit play and others will hear it. Then they too will know him just a little more because of it. I guess it’s time to share. My loss is their gain. I’ll have to settle for silence as others tap their feet

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  1. LunaJune says:

    Meg I don’t have children but I am of the age where all my friends are going through this.. can’t believe that time has traveled that far… in each step I’ve watched them from tiny infants, to the wonder that they are now.  Yes they need to fly
    love that line..” … settle for silence as others tap their feet”    

  2. suzi says:

    aww, Meg.  I remember all too well.  Thanks for jogging my precious memories!! You have a beautiful gift!

  3. Heulwen Renshaw says:

    It seems we’ve all been there! A sad time we just painfully, ‘have’ to accept.  This brings back memories of  a similar situation..which took such along time to get over, and get over myself..and just let them ‘go’. What I thought would be bliss turned out to be a depressing time. I was going to do ‘everything’, go ‘everywhere’ with all the spare time I was going to have.  I didn’t go anywhere, apart from the shops, I couldn’t think of doing anything….possibly because my world was now too quiet, and I’d lost my inspiration.  It took a while to get going again, I bought a computer! I went out even less! but it brought me happiness in the form of friends online, which is difficult to believe, which filled my life once more.  Ah! such is life. 

  4. Amy says:

    It is all part of the circle of life.  This part of the journey really threw me when the first child left for school.  It took a long time for me to adjust, but I did.  My youngest has one year left of high school.  I plan on enjoying it to the fullest, all the while thinking about what I will fill the newfound space with after he flies off to college.  The empty nest is filled with sadness, as well of all sorts of possibilities for us to explore!!

  5. Cindy A says:

    So beautifully said!  Thanks, Meg!
     

  6. Joan says:

    You remind me of myself .  One day I accused my eldest (5 years old) of standing on a box I had packed.  His confused response, “I”m not on a box, Mom” made me look under the table.  He must have grown overnight.  12 years later I asked him why he was holding his breath…he wasn’t-he’d been weight lifting and had grown a man’s chest overnight.  Then 15 years later I asked him how he had gotten the white paint in his hair-he hadn’t been painting.  Now he’s 45 and sometimes I lean on him.

  7. Elaine Harrison Wilson says:

    Such a bittersweet time.  We’ve been there….for us about 20 years ago now….but I remember it well. 

  8. Terry says:

    I didn’t plan to read this today but so glad I paused and did so.  Wee have a 14 year old Music (young) Man.  Just finished drivers ed, taking 5 different music lessons, planning for high school, college, and which World War Craft realm to be in all at the same time………I love your comment about “how he hits play and I learn a little bit more” about him.  I am trying to let go just a bit…………it will all be quiet in a blink. As it should be. Thanks for all your thoughts and comments. Just what I needed today and I didn’t even realize until now.

  9. Susan says:

    So poignant. With one who just moved out a few months ago and another starting senior year of HS, this really touched me.  When my daughter moved out, I thought, “What?! That’s it?! We’re done?!” The voices of all of those people who had told me, when they were toddlers, “Enjoy them while they’re little, it goes by so fast,” echoed in my head, their wisdom becoming reality too soon.
    I’ll try to smile more this last year, when my son says, “Hey, listen to this!” and proceeds to play something that sounds like a puzzle that hasn’t been put together yet, and be grateful that I know him.

  10. meg says:

    Thank you for sharing your stories here, they’re all so touching. I think it helps to share this common wisdom with one another – the letting go, the changes, the growing into more.  Namaste.

  11. Lisa says:

    Two days….and my man-child-man leaves.  The oldest left last Wednesday. Luckily the baby is still here, taller than her older sister, three years of high school left.

  12. Andrea More says:

    Meg… mine is only 7. Just barely starting to notice tunes and tapping and swinging his body around to the beat a bit. But I’m already crying!  Already imagining what that will be like. 

  13. zach says:

    I absolutely love this story, went through the same with my mom, she had a hard time seeing me go. This brings a tear to my eye just as I told my mom today I might be moving to another country AGAIN, just after we reconected.  

  14. Thank you for a beautiful post. It is a wonderful tribute to childhood and to your son also. I like how you brought music into the conversation. I’m a musician myself. We now know that certain melodies and passages in music can stimulate the brain to be creative and even more productive. I have a certain old cassette tape (yep, that old) that I play when I need to write. It is amazing what those songs do to my brain. My brain works faster than my fingers can type. Probably because I played classical music on the piano when my son was growing up, he included classical music along with other types of music when he studied or did homework. He is now a doctor so I’m thinking the music in his soul got him through some hard tests and performances.Again, thank  you for this post. I’m saving it. Linda Ranson JacobsDC4K Creatorblog.dc4k.org

  15. Rose says:

    My youngest son left for university two years ago.  I worried that my role of motherhood was ending, but it wasn’t. Like you I soon realized he was not leaving me, but moving  towards his life.   After he moved out I missed him and worried about him. I still do. However I know I contributed to  his growth and am very proud of how I raised him and the man he has become.It is funny when your children move out you hate to see them go and yet when they come home to visit you can not wait to see them leave. It is not because you don’t love them it is just that now you are both adults  with your own independence and you get use to the quit pleasures of your home.  Though my quit pleasures was short lived. My daughter announced just before my son moved out that she was pregnant.   My husband and I only had a  few short months together before it felt like my daughter had moved back home.  9 months filled with baby talk then the birth of my granddaughter.  Sadly my daughter could not handle the roles of motherhood and I now have permanent custody of my granddaughter. My short lived  days of a quit house are now filled with  laughter,  dirty diapers and a demanding 8 month old.  Would I change a thing? Most certainly not.  They say God never gives us more than we can handle. while some-days I question that I believe that life is what it is and I make the best of everyday. Enjoy your own music you make!

  16. I have two years until I, too, hear his unique silence. Thank you for contributing to my preparation. I anticipate the bittersweet pride at his footprints on the road less traveled, but for now, I dance to his beat whenever I hear it.How have you used your clean quiet space for the last year and a half? Has little brother’s music gone quiet, too?