My study is upstairs. Across from his room.
His too busy with life room. Flung with rushing to the next thing room. The barely home room. Clothes too busy to pick up. A notice board with thick wads of paper, pay stubs and college forms.
And then there is his music. His eclectic collection from who knows where music. His ragtime, Irish, opera, and makes-it-hard-for-me-to-think-music. Reflecting his creative, original and completely himself personality. I know him just that little more because of the beat coming from his room. I get an extra piece of him when he hits play.
He bustles in between jobs, and on goes the music. He gets up in the morning and hits play. He showers, and there it is again, louder. His presence fills the house and we all know he breathes another day, because of his music.
2 months left. 1460.9688 hours of mess, noise, and big shoes in the way. Of trying to keep up with his crammed schedule, with the endless forms and sharing of the car. And, just hours left to hear his music. Only moments left to hear his soul hum. And then he leaves. As he should.
It will be clean up here. No more bedclothes tangled in an angry mess after fighting to wake for the early shift. Books from the childhood shelf handed down to brother, the broken old wobbly lamp will finally find its resting place. Clean. And quiet.
It will all get packed up in a box with other important things; a new laptop, new clothes new speakers. His music will go to college with him, he’ll hit play and others will hear it. Then they too will know him just a little more because of it. I guess it’s time to share. My loss is their gain. I’ll have to settle for silence as others tap their feet
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Meg I don’t have children but I am of the age where all my friends are going through this.. can’t believe that time has traveled that far… in each step I’ve watched them from tiny infants, to the wonder that they are now. Yes they need to fly
love that line..” … settle for silence as others tap their feet”
aww, Meg. I remember all too well. Thanks for jogging my precious memories!! You have a beautiful gift!
It seems we’ve all been there! A sad time we just painfully, ‘have’ to accept. This brings back memories of a similar situation..which took such along time to get over, and get over myself..and just let them ‘go’. What I thought would be bliss turned out to be a depressing time. I was going to do ‘everything’, go ‘everywhere’ with all the spare time I was going to have. I didn’t go anywhere, apart from the shops, I couldn’t think of doing anything….possibly because my world was now too quiet, and I’d lost my inspiration. It took a while to get going again, I bought a computer! I went out even less! but it brought me happiness in the form of friends online, which is difficult to believe, which filled my life once more. Ah! such is life.
It is all part of the circle of life. This part of the journey really threw me when the first child left for school. It took a long time for me to adjust, but I did. My youngest has one year left of high school. I plan on enjoying it to the fullest, all the while thinking about what I will fill the newfound space with after he flies off to college. The empty nest is filled with sadness, as well of all sorts of possibilities for us to explore!!
So beautifully said! Thanks, Meg!
You remind me of myself . One day I accused my eldest (5 years old) of standing on a box I had packed. His confused response, “I”m not on a box, Mom” made me look under the table. He must have grown overnight. 12 years later I asked him why he was holding his breath…he wasn’t-he’d been weight lifting and had grown a man’s chest overnight. Then 15 years later I asked him how he had gotten the white paint in his hair-he hadn’t been painting. Now he’s 45 and sometimes I lean on him.
Such a bittersweet time. We’ve been there….for us about 20 years ago now….but I remember it well.
I didn’t plan to read this today but so glad I paused and did so. Wee have a 14 year old Music (young) Man. Just finished drivers ed, taking 5 different music lessons, planning for high school, college, and which World War Craft realm to be in all at the same time………I love your comment about “how he hits play and I learn a little bit more” about him. I am trying to let go just a bit…………it will all be quiet in a blink. As it should be. Thanks for all your thoughts and comments. Just what I needed today and I didn’t even realize until now.
So poignant. With one who just moved out a few months ago and another starting senior year of HS, this really touched me. When my daughter moved out, I thought, “What?! That’s it?! We’re done?!” The voices of all of those people who had told me, when they were toddlers, “Enjoy them while they’re little, it goes by so fast,” echoed in my head, their wisdom becoming reality too soon.
I’ll try to smile more this last year, when my son says, “Hey, listen to this!” and proceeds to play something that sounds like a puzzle that hasn’t been put together yet, and be grateful that I know him.
Thank you for sharing your stories here, they’re all so touching. I think it helps to share this common wisdom with one another – the letting go, the changes, the growing into more. Namaste.
Two days….and my man-child-man leaves. The oldest left last Wednesday. Luckily the baby is still here, taller than her older sister, three years of high school left.