OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAn open letter to my 14yr old Son.

Dear son.
Being a boy sucks. Especially when your mother is a man-hater. So lucky for you, your mother isn’t.
But, I think I may have given you the impression I am and feel the need to explain.
Although I do happen to believe that many of the world’s problems are caused by men, I do not blame an entire gender for all of life’s woes.

Yes, it is correct that I have told you since you were little that whenever you’re lost in a crowd to go find a woman, as women are statistically safer. And after watching the movie “Girl Rising” I was visibly angry at how men continue to oppress girls by denying them an education. And yes, I’ve stated more than once with arms in the air how men have caused war more than any woman in history. I’ve been quick to point out that greedy wallstreet lobbyists are mostly men in suits and sexual abusers within the church are often men hiding behind robes and their god. It is true I have explained that the sex trafficking trade is controlled by sick men, and how domestic violence is usually inflicted by men on women…..

Yes, I can see how you may think I am a man hater.
But I am not. And here is why.
YOU.
You are becoming the very man I believe in, the man I trust, the man I admire, the man I love.
Your empathy, compassion, sensitivity, awareness and acceptance of others stands you apart from these other men who seek power at the cost of others. These small men cannot possibly compare to the man you are becoming. I am so sorry that my passionate discussions about raging inequalities between genders has caused you to doubt yourself – as a boy. I am sorry my outrage has confused you- as a boy. Has caused you to question my love for you – as a boy. Nothing could be further from the truth. My faith in men, society and humanity grows daily because of YOU.

No denying it, this boy thing is tricky to figure out. Everyone has expectations of you, from locker room antics to how well you should handle a gaming console. Who made up these stupid rules? I have no idea what makes a boy a boy, but I sure as hell know it’s not based on hunting, shooting 3 pointers or knowing the model of a car. Let’s rip up this rule-book now, and co-write the one about just being a decent human being. One book- for both boys, and girls.

But in the meantime, when in doubt, I urge you to look around. You are surrounded by men who are being decent, kind and generous. Who do not need to gain power over women to feel important. Men who do not need to harm another to feel bigger, who do not need to oppress, belittle, abuse or deny. Your living breathing best example, is your dad. Let his gentleness, awareness and generosity be your guide.  When I see him, I see all that you are becoming, and more.

You dear son, are my hope for humanity.

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  1. Alicia Grennan says:

    Meg, I love this. You have wonderful men in your life!

  2. Anthony of Adelaide says:

    Beautifully written with insight, intelligence and compassion.I too shake my head in disbelief and sorrow at my gender – astonished by the obsession with sports and cars, saddened by the ignorance and self-hate that brings violence to others – women *and* men. (To be sure though that women have born the brunt of it, no question there).I too struggled against the stereotypes – it isn’t easy and the pressures to conform never really go away.I wish you all the best in your endeavors to raise a son that you can be proud of and that the world can look up to. Wish me the same with mine :-) Namaste,Anthony.

  3. Anonymous says:

    ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥! Along my paths of nearly 60 years I have encountered all too many men who thought nothing wrong of  their abuse, neglect and disrespect toward women and children. I have also met many women who have clumped men who are this way with the men who don’t, without a thought of the ears nearby listening.My heart is ever so grateful, thankful for the men in my life who proved to me that men could also be very much the opposite and women who taught me to keep my eyes open and my heart kind.Blessed I am with sons, a wonderful father. I have learned so much from them!Wishing everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving. ~ Mary Belle Schinnerer

  4. @theteapixie says:

    Oh Meg!It is so easy to just throw anger around and hope it sticks on a stereotype.  Gender bias is definitely a form of discrimination and stereotyping.  I love your conclusion.  I want every parent of every male that my little pixie befriends to read this article.We are responsible for raising humans into full human beings, not just gender-specific expressions of their character.  We can’t figure out who made up these stupid gender-specific rules and no one is standing up to take responsibility for them.  Surprise!  I don’t care who is responsible – I forgive them.  I can do better as an adult example, not just as a parent.Let’s “waste time” focussing on honour, respect, tenderness, sensitivity, love, care, and concern for others. Let’s make integrity, personal codes, and self-confidence cooooool.  It starts with us, not our kids.  We are their future, not the other way around.  We are the hope for humanity and our kids rely on us to be the example that they can springboard off of.  We are their leverage for the future.I love your work and am so thankful that I have discovered you and Ian.

  5. ggggg says:

    After reading this I’m of e impression more and more that try as they might, women should not raise so. They will screw them up. OK say all these other bad men or whatever you Santo call them.. your son doesn’t turn out like them. He still has to live in the world of power hungry men. How in the heck will he make it and be happy and well asjusted. Your mistake is sum lar to the one of Christians hippies frutarians and communists.. the sin of utopianism, that does not match the real world. And this is assuming he won’t internalize your worldview as hatred for men as you intend by this letter. I say this to you with love.. manly live. I hope yo do not alienate him from the other boys and men and society. You err in faith, this attitude or disposition of yours will produce evil works. You need to abandon him to the world of good strong men who are well adjusted, and do attempt or even think or wish to mold him, but let him turn out to be the hero he’s meant to be, and not seeking our approval in any way because you’re not entitled to his approval as his more, and don’t cagorize or classify men, but try to undersnd them better, these power seekers and so on. Your beauty bls you to the male and ugly women experience and your son hath not your tits and other assets as a woman, cunning and crm and melodic voice so don’t be cruel or twisted. Be good woman, and abandon him to a man.  

  6. Lee says:

    @5g’s – I’m not sure what you are saying so I won’t comment on your uh, dissertation, but I do understand Meg’s words so I will comment on hers.   Humans (men & women) have shambled our culture with much distaste to those who are traditional.   I’ll take the traditional route here.    Meg’s message sounds of one of frustration that men (and women) have caused the breakdown of civility and respect although she didn’t come out and say that.    But they have.  I’ll save the celebrity whoreness of nudity and wagging tongues that our young girls see as ‘role models’ and the lies that men & women in government try to force on us -I’ll comment on one thing that is paramount in her discourse.   “givers when mom is absent.  Notice the word ‘families’…. which are sorely fractured in our society and will become more so as alternative lifestyles will fracture them even more.  Family reulationships become mutated; kids don’t know who is mom and mom and dad and dad when other kids have moms and dads – the natural spin in our culture – which is being hatched at for a small percentage of persons who have the right to be with whom they want – but can create an even more fractured family unit.    Kids need both genders to be parents — they need them for future humanity and in doing so will find direction gentleness, awareness and generosity and the respect, of traditional role models – not just doing “what feels good for me”.    Humanity needs stability and tradition – family, birth mothers and fathers.  

  7. William says:

    Here’s an idea:  How about you stop trying to socialize boys into some paradigm that you arrogantly think is the “right” one and allow them to grow and develop naturally?  All of the qualities you think should be encouraged are only half the nature of a man.  The negative qualities have survival value as well and every time you take it upon yourself to know better than nature, you create more problems than you solve.