I think it’s easy to make things more complicated than they need to be. Here are some basic rules of the relationship road that will keep you headed in the right direction

1.     Successful relationships take work. They don’t happen in a vacuum. They occur when the couples in them take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their hearts and heads.

2.     You can only change yourself, not your partner. If you love someone and think that after a while he or she will alter behaviors you find uncomfortable, think again. If you want changes, put them on the table. so your partner knows what you need.

3.     All arguments stem from our own fear or pain. When upset occurs, check out what’s going on inside of you rather than get angry with your partner. Truth is that we usually aren’t upset for the reasons we think we are.

4.     Understand that men and women are very different. We’re not from Mars or Venus; we’re not even in the same solar system. Understanding and celebrating our differences will make living together more peaceful, interesting, and fun.

5.     Honor each other in some way every day. Every morning you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by recommitting to your mate. Feeling respected and cherished by the one you love makes life much nicer.

6.     Anger is a waste of time. Anger is also a relationship killer, because it makes you self-absorbed and won’t allow you to see the good. If you are annoyed with your mate, give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss what’s going on for you.

7.     Get regular tune-ups. Go to a couples workshop, talk with a counselor, or read a relationship book together at least once a year. Even if you don’t think you need it, you will pick up a couple of ideas, and the process alone will strengthen your connection.

8.     Find a way to become and stay best friends. For some this sounds unromantic, but for those who live it, most say it’s the best part of their time together.

9.     Be responsible for your own happiness. No other person can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. If you feel it’s your partner’s fault, think again, and look within to find out what piece may be missing for you.

10.  Give what you want to get. Our needs change with time. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. If you want to feel more love, try giving more. It’s a simple program that really works.

There are no guarantees, but couples who practice these techniques have longer and stronger relationships than those who are not proactive in their love.

For more articles by Barton Goldsmith, please visit his site.

  1. http://www.themagicalyou.com  relates to issues you deal with in your relationship.  Get the practical truth about how to have love and magic in your relationship.

  2. Anonymous says:

    What if 1 person is trying and the other one doesn’t care

  3. ian says:

    It definitely takes two to tango. Its not a relationship with only one person trying.

  4. Ank says:

    Loved every bit of the write up.. it brought me out of confusion.. Thank You!

  5. Victor says:

    Loved your post about the 10 truths to a relationship, thanks for sharing
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  6. Carole says:

    Thank You for sharing this one. I can really relate, btw. :)

  7. Chizelle says:

    Love your post about the 10 truths to keep your relationship happy.
    We are bombarded by the movies, tv and books that true love is easy and if it’s meant to be we won’t need to work at it, which is not true at all.
    Working at it, and appreciation of our partner on a daily basis makes for a wonderful relationship. As well as your other tips :)
     
     

  8. Renee says:

    If people would just learn to love period….it becomes easy to love a partner.  Becoming a loving person helps you to be that way with all the important people in your life and the not so important.  Easier said than done but one we are and should be working on for the rest of our lives.

  9. Leo Blok says:

    You made some just right factors there. I did a search on the topic and found most people will agree together with your blog.

  10. Tara says:

    Absolutely love your blog!  Each truth is so true and real.  I personally am going to print it up, show it to my husband, and hang it somewhere in our room.  Relationships take time and effort.  You get out what you put in.  This blog gives a great recipe of what to put in.  Thank you! 
    My friend and I blog about how to keep our friendship and ourselves alive and well, too,  at http://twofriendsandapen.com

  11. ian says:

    thanks Tara- checked your blog and it looks fabulous. Glad to connect

  12. Hilfe Morales says:

    This is really nice. It can be a guide for  building a relationship. Can i blog this  out too???  I really need it for future purposes.. Thank you!!! :-)

  13. ian says:

    You have to write to the author. He gave me permission to post it here. Im sure he will say yes.

  14. Anonymous says:

    I totally agree….You must be intentional in love period.

  15. someone says:

    I’d like to add three more to the list:
    Communicate, communicate, communicate.

  16. Simone says:

    Wish I had read these 10 ‘tips’ 5 years ago…..maybe I could have saved my marriage. For me it’s too late, but I will definitely give them to my children. 

  17. this boy says:

    nice tips…

  18. I love this post and I would also like to add that in order to make it work:

    1- you can’t assume that the other person can read your mind, so don’t get mad if he didn’t ”guessed” what you needed at that point, go back to your frustration and reflect on the real reason why you are feeling mad;
     
    2- you can’t expect that the other person would think/do what you think/do, so don’t blame him for not being you and doing what you would have done, because he may just have a different idea on how things should be than that differs from yours, and that’s actually OK;

    3- and that pretending that things will resolve by itself is never an option. As ”someone” already said, communicate, communicate, communicate. 

  19. Jess Randall says:

    Hi Ian
    From my own personal experience, my partner wasn’t willing to change, he had so many anger issues but because of “baggage” he was carrying from his previous relationship, he resented my trying to discuss this issue with him. I lived with him for 12 turbulent months but when his behaviour started affecting my children I had to leave for their sake. The weight of his negativity started to affect me too, I stayed for 12 months hoping we could work things out but in the end I had to walk away because I think you have to drawn a line somewhere particularly if that person’s behaviour towards you just gets worse instead of better.

  20. ian says:

    hi Jess, I totally agree. Not all relationships can or should be saved. I wrote about that a while back. Here is the link in case you want to check it out. http://www.soulseeds.com/grapevine/2011/03/ending-the-battle-mindful-separation/

  21. Tryn Rose says:

    Wonderful, true, thank you.

  22. True, but both partners need to have the desire to work things out. When only one person is making sacrifices and the other has ego issues, it is so hard to work on the problems. In some cases one of the partners has wrong crowd around which constantly feeds that ego. What your suggestion would be?  Here it is a book I wrote based on a case like this:

    Fire and Ice
    http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007HG21ZC/ref=

    In Fire and Ice, Nancy, a naïve but resourceful, kindhearted woman, marries her high school sweetheart. As a working wife and mother, Nancy perseveres, despite having an abusive, alcoholic husband.

  23. Israel says:

    After the loss ( breaking up )., I realized most of this topics the applies to me.. . part of the healing has been for me so hard and painful.. 

  24. Joelle Chan says:

    Thank you for sharing this article. This is great as its very true but I do agree it takes both partners to compromise and make changes together in their relationship, it can’t just be one  person doing all the work otherwise the balance will not be there. Always love yourself more and have your boundaries clear so your  partner  knows where you stand on things.     http://psychicjoelle.blogspot.com

  25. So true! Very hard sometimes to live by though! I try and take a deep breath when I feel frustrated with my husband, as in the above post, I can only change myself and I should always show respect. Thanks.

  26. Amanda says:

    Wow, great tips!