Sex, Lies and Sandwiches.

April 24th, 2012

It started out all so simply. Mother and daughter eating a sandwich. It was like any other day. Happily, we enjoyed our lunch at the kitchen table gazing at the birdfeeders in the garden. We spoke easily of friendships, afternoon plans, and favourite ice cream flavours.

And then it changed, quietly, yet noticed. There on top of the birdfeeder, two doves.
“Ahhh”, I hear a sigh, “how sweet” you think. What a perfect picture, mother daughter and two doves. But hold on, not so quick.  You can put away those images of peace doves, turtledoves, and white wedding doves. No, these were just your regular frisky lets-get-it-on doves (cue, Marvin Gaye music), and they were ruffling more than just a few feathers!

“Oh please” I thought to myself, “can’t I just eat lunch without an R rated National Geographic sex scene playing out in front of me? Can’t we at least have the Disney Earth Day version while I eat?!”

As I secretly hoped my 7yr old’s attention remained on her sandwich, she looked up and then began the questions. “Why is that dove on top of the other dove?”

Now I consider myself a very open easygoing mother who has no problem with somewhat uncomfortable conversations. Puberty, sex talks, contraception? I do ok. I can even say penis and vagina now without giggling every time . But regardless of this, I still appreciate a little warning, and for some reason would rather not be eating a sandwich at the time.

So I said something along the lines of “ I dunno, maybe they’re playing, now finish your lunch” She decided they looked more like they were fighting.  “Perhaps” I mumbled quickly changing the subject back to ice cream, guilty that I’d let this perfect teaching moment pass. But somehow I knew there would be more.

No it wasn’t about the sex, the sandwich, or about the questions. It was all about the timing. And frankly, I just wasn’t in the mood.


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  1. haha, the right time will come.  She will probably learn about it in school.  Then before you know it, she’s 3o something and her daughter needs the talk, hopefully not while eating.

  2. Debra says:

    You have such a gift!  Another homerun and a ‘real’ mother ‘ending’.  Keep up the great work.  I look so forward to reading you.

  3. Becky says:

    I am a sexuality educator and I often speak to parents about seizing “teachable moments” like this. But I am a mom too and I know that sometimes it’s easier/better to just eat the sandwich. You don’t have to seize EVERY teachable moment! 

  4. Kevin says:

    But, sure everybody knows the answer: “So that he can get a better view!”

  5. Phil says:

    LOL – Birds – what about the Bee’s?  

  6. Efita Efiom says:

    <body><p>Timing, timing, timing. There would be other times to tell that child that TRUTH, but BETWEEN that LOST TIME and the Expected Time, someone else MAY tell that child that truth, and that child WOULD from thenceforth WONDER WHY MUM DID NOT TELL HER THE TRUTH? That child’s reliance on someone else WAS BORN at that LOST TIME and CAN NOT BE RETRIVED. More LOST TIMES = LOST LOVE between mother (the first trusted teacher) and child. In conclution, I feel LOST TIME died when Jesus said IT IS WRITTEN BUT I SAY. He stoped His disciples from driving children away from Him. He knows that they hunger for truth, hence their QUESTIONS.

  7. Efita Efiom says:

    <body><p>Please the word LIES should be replaced with INHIBITION because the mother DID NOT lie to that child as the tytle suggests. I am smilling and laughing to have met @soulseeds at Tweets. My dear fellow citizens of this GLOBAL ROOM, which is what internet has revealed our world to be, HANGOUT more with SOULSEEDS because it is the FRESH AIR that rejuvinates our beeing, The Living Souls of God. 

  8. Efita Efiom says:

    <body><p>I thank you for your excellent site. I am sharing the find with my friends.

  9. Sorry, my dear. It’s neither our mood nor the timing that bothers us as much. Whether Sex or Santa, the question “buggers” us. As it should. For uncomfortable questions must always be asked. And, however much discomforted by the same, they must be answered. 
    In India, we yet do not ask or get answers about sex from most parents. It is not taboo, just uneasy.
    About spirituality, my field of “experience”, so to say; every one, from milk man to granma to average man, all have all the answers – here, in India, Australia, America, Arabia or Timbuktu.
    Yet, the Answer is Simple – “Never stop Questioning.” [Einstein]



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