The Cutter.

March 16th, 2014

blog- cut girl

Girls, boys, just kids
bleeding themselves of the pain
within their veins,
within their hearts, minds, and lives.
Words don’t help- they mean nothing,
pointless noise skimming over the surface of self-loathing.
Those fawarway sounds don’t even begin to touch,
what’s deeper within the shadows
where words will never reach.

Ahh, but a cut, a slice, a slash, a gash,
sharp- ah yes, now that hits the spot.
The spot where they are darkest.
The knife, the razor
the sharp edge of anything, knows.
Knows where to find it,
the pain.
It digs and hunts,
it finds and destroys.
The knife carves out the blackness
too dark for us to see.
Ahhh, release,
for a moment.
Then pain turns to shame
and it all begins again.

Any feeling,
is better than no feeling.
Their scars are proof of living,
of crying and bleeding
like you and me.
Tell me you haven’t once
wanted to scream
into that same darkness,
to dig out your pain, and spit it out
offering it up as a promise
to do better,
to live lighter and love deeper.
We may not cut
but we all want to feel
something,
alive.

Their arms tell us the same story
A death-line told by the unfortunate teller,
a story we don’t want to hear, but say we do
because we think we do.
And wish we did.
It begins with
“I hurt.
I can’t explain why.
So I bleed to prove to you –
I hurt.”
The arms that once hugged,
that waved and gave and played
and shot up with the right answer, so brave.
These battle worn arms now beg and plead
“Here- see my pain?
Please just tell me
you also bleed.”

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  1. Laurie says:

    So moving xoxo

  2. Dana says:

    Thank you for this story. I used to be a cutter and could relate well to this, Its not just kids, or teenagers, there are several adults who suffer from this as well. I have the arms that speak to us.. But I have become stronger now to be able to hopefully control this forever

  3. Anonymous says:

    Beautiful Meg.  I work with sexually abused children and cutting is a common finding.  Many people don’t understand how or why children would cut themselves but you described it beautifully.  Thank you.

  4. Cindy A says:

    Beautiful piece, Meg.    

  5. Lynn P. says:

    As a senior woman who battles with depression daily I found this article very moving. Depression wears many disguises. Some days I feel as though I am mired in quicksand, fearful of drowning but unable to escape.

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